How to Help a Child Deal with Loss

1. As soon as possible after the death, set time aside to talk to the child.
2. Give the child the facts in a simple manner, and be careful not to go into too much detail. The child will ask more questions as they come up in their mind.
3. If you can’t answer his/her questions, it’s ok to say, “I don’t know how to answer that, but perhaps we can find someone to help us.”
4. Use the correct language – say the words “Dead” and “die”. Do not use phrases such as, “He’s sleeping.” Or “God look her.” Or “He went away.”
5. Ask questions like, “What are you feeling?”, “What have you heard from your friends?”, “What do you think has happened?’
6. Explain your feelings to your children especially if you are crying. Given them permission to cry too. We are their role models; it is good for children to see our sadness and to share our feelings with them.
7. Use the name of the deceased when speaking of him or her.
8. Understand the age and level of comprehension of your child and speak to that level.
9. Talk about feelings, such as anger, sadness, feeling responsible for the death, scared, tearful, depressed, wishing to die too, etc.
10. Read a book on death to your child.
11. Read a book on childhood grief so you have a better understanding of what they may be experiencing.
12. Talk about the visitation and funeral before your child attends.  Explain what happens there and find out if your child wants to attend with the rest of your family.
13. Think about way that a child can say goodbye to the deceased; for example: writing a letter or poem, drawing a picture.
14. Talk to your child about your religious beliefs, if appropriate, and what happens to people after they die.
15. Invite your child to come back to you if they have more questions or have heard things that concern them so you can help them receive the correct information.
16. Talk about memories, good ones and ones that may not be so good.
17. Watch for behavioral changes in your child. If they are cause for concern, seek professional help from clergy or counselors.
18. Watch for “bad dreams”. Are they occurring often? Talk about the dreams to help the child relieve the stress.
19. Friends, family and schoolmates frequently find solace and comfort in doing something special in remembrance of the person who has died.