Explanations that may Not be Helpful

Outlined below are explanations of why the person a child loved has died.  Unfortunately, simple but dishonest answers can only serve to increase the fear and uncertainty that the child is feeling. Children tend to be very literal – if an adult says that “Grandpa/Grandma died because they were old and tired.”, the child may wonder when they too will be too old and they certainly get tired.  How tired is tired enough to die?

Below are some explanations that should not be given when talking about death with a child.

• “Grandpa/Grandma will sleep in peace forever.” This explanation may result in the child’s fear of going to bed or to sleep.
• “It is God’s will”. The child will not understand a God who takes a loved one because He needs that person Himself. “God took him because he was so good.” The child may decide to be bad so God won’t take him too.
• “Daddy/Mommy went on a long trip and won’t be back for a long time.” The child may wonder why the person left without saying goodbye. Eventually they will realize Daddy/Mommy isn’t coming back and feel that something they did caused Daddy/Mommy to leave.
• “John was sick and went to the hospital where he died.” The child will need an explanation about “little” and “big” sicknesses.  Otherwise, they may be extremely fearful it they or someone they love has to go to the hospital in the future.